Thursday, September 4, 2008

order...

I find that with these workouts- at the start of each new phase- I am surprised at how much they... well... how much they kick my butt. Seriously. It's amazing to me that a relatively slight shift in the previous order of things can totally scramble the senses. And of course, Chris is no dummy. He knew darn well this would happen. Good for you Chris.

Just this week, after completing the last of the "new stuff'" (as Friday and Saturday are known quantities... relatively, of course), I cannot help but think about ORDER.

ORDER in my life.
ORDER in the world.
and DISORDER.
DISORDER is a bad word.
ORDER good.
DISORDER bad.

I have never heard DISORDER used positively in a sentence. I have never known anyone, or heard of anyone knowing anyone who aspires to have more DISORDER in their life. I have, however, in moments not too far past, used it to describe my life.

My perception of our world- perhaps I should say this country or this city, you get my drift- is that we want ORDER. It helps us to identify things. Then we know them because we can label them. How tidy.

It's funny, throughout this Project- and particularly this week- my perception of ORDER and it's less popular twin DISORDER is beginning to change.
ORDER suggests 'routine' to me, it suggests 'same'. And while 'routine' is comfortable and it's important in some aspects, 'routine' requires less mindfulness. And while 'same' is familiar, it's known. It's already known so the danger exists that there's nothing more to discover about it.
Stick with me now.

I know I'm getting stronger since I've started the Project. But these workouts have continuously humbled and challenged me. This Project is teaching me to let go of my attachment to "the ORDER things are supposed to be in!" and just be. Just be in the effort of the thing and laugh, or fall on my face or both. It's allowing me to see beauty in the gift of the absence of order.

And I'm here to embrace it.

1 comment:

Loretta Cooprider said...

Jen,

Thanks for sharing! I am all about ORDER which can stress me out at times when things get off track. I have always been challenged with this but have found that this project has helped me "lighten up" a bit. Seems like it could have had the opposite effect because this is pretty structured (which I do like for sure!!!) but I think with everything we are doing for our overall wellness I have learned to ease up and not be so critical of self AND others. Since we'll never have complete ORDER in our lives and in this world (which would probably be pretty boring if we did) we do have to learn to just 'be' sometimes.

Loretta