I've been introduced recently to a new friend... or maybe it's more like a distant cousin, I mean we've always been related. Yes, it's like a distant cousin I've always been aware of... but never really liked... and I didn't know we belonged to the same book club... and now, we've read a book one of us adores and the other abhors and I look up and say, "oh, it's you- now we have to reckon with this" no no no, we're distant cousins who meet at the same 4-way stop at the same time and I think I have the right of way and she thinks she has the right of way and we both proceed into the intersection causing an accident and I get out of the car, wobbly and with a pounding headache, wagging my finger as I approach her window saying, "oh it's you! what the heck do you think you're doing pulling out when I had the right of way?!"
OK, the metaphor is lost. Where am I going with this?
Let me put this plainly: I have been reckoning with my will power these past few days. And it is a force to be reckoned with, let me tell you! I've noticed during my runs that I have less of a sense of dread about just running- you know, about how my legs or my lungs or my heart will handle the task, and more a sense of dis-ease thinking about how long I have to be out there. This is where I've met my will. We have interesting dialogues about such things as, "Old Patterns" and "General Discomfort", but our favorite topic is "Which One of Us is Stronger".
I think I'm really breaking through something here. I've decided to make will power my ally. Today I was pushing my pace a bit and a part of me really wanted to back off, really thought I couldn't keep it up and then a funny thing happened... I let the chatter continue as long as it needed to and I just kept moving my legs... I just kept going. Finally the chatter died down and I felt a new kinship with myself. Oh- hello will!
happy recovery week.