It's All Good...

bummer

2009-03-05T13:30:00.000-08:00

Being injured is frustrating. My foot is causing me some discomfort and I'm having to back off of the Project workouts, which had been helping me feel connected to my own vitality. Now, I'm also doing a show right now which is really fun and physical, but I feel like when I'm not on stage I should be off my feet.

I reached out via email to a friend of mine in another state who does Reiki and asked if she would send some distance healing to my bum heel and she sent me a response I'd like to share:

Feet are connected to our understanding- of self, of life, and of others. Injuries to the feet can be related to a fear of the future and not stepping forward in life.

She also shared the following affirmation:

My understanding is clear, and I am willing to change with the times.
I am safe.
I move forward in life with joy and with ease.
I stand in truth.
I have spiritual understanding.

Sometimes it's good to get another perspective on what's nagging you...

to be continued...

un-stress fracture

2009-02-27T07:36:00.000-08:00

My right foot has been nagging me for some time. Ever since I performed in Macbeth in 3-inch heels in the fall. But I thought it was just a muscular thing... my feet were just sore from the unhealthy demands I placed on them for 5 weeks, often twice a day and sometimes 3 times a day.

In December I had backed off the running- not due to pain, just lack of will power to get out and DO it. Come January, however, I was running again. About 4 weeks ago I stopped running outside and on the track and moved exclusively to elliptical machines. This time it WAS due to pain. I got a little worried. As it happens I'm in rehearsals for a farce right now, and farce is a style of comedy which is often very physical and involves a lot of running around and door-slamming. I called a podiatrist and a few weeks later I was sitting in his office awaiting my fate...

That was Monday of this week.

I have a stress fracture in my right heel. I am making an effort to remain un-stressed about it. Honestly I think I'm experiencing more discomfort adjusting to the boot I have to wear when I'm not in rehearsals!! I'm sure if you've had the pleasure of wearing one of these things you know exactly what I'm talking about!

I'm still hitting the gym- Rob helps me figure out good modifications for some things... you know, 'cause plyometric stuff is pretty much out. I'm grateful for the project right now. I find I can get a twinge of depression hobbling around, not being able to take our pup on long walks... the workouts keep me sane and remind me of my ability.

I'm going into tech rehearsals today. We open next week. It's challenging to be patient!! But I tell myself as often as I can that this too shall pass... and that I'm okay. It's no big deal. Just a little stress fracture...

hope you are all feeling well.

xo...jen

hello will!...

2009-02-09T19:41:00.000-08:00

I've been introduced recently to a new friend... or maybe it's more like a distant cousin, I mean we've always been related. Yes, it's like a distant cousin I've always been aware of... but never really liked... and I didn't know we belonged to the same book club... and now, we've read a book one of us adores and the other abhors and I look up and say, "oh, it's you- now we have to reckon with this" no no no, we're distant cousins who meet at the same 4-way stop at the same time and I think I have the right of way and she thinks she has the right of way and we both proceed into the intersection causing an accident and I get out of the car, wobbly and with a pounding headache, wagging my finger as I approach her window saying, "oh it's you! what the heck do you think you're doing pulling out when I had the right of way?!"

OK, the metaphor is lost. Where am I going with this?

Let me put this plainly: I have been reckoning with my will power these past few days. And it is a force to be reckoned with, let me tell you! I've noticed during my runs that I have less of a sense of dread about just running- you know, about how my legs or my lungs or my heart will handle the task, and more a sense of dis-ease thinking about how long I have to be out there. This is where I've met my will. We have interesting dialogues about such things as, "Old Patterns" and "General Discomfort", but our favorite topic is "Which One of Us is Stronger".

I think I'm really breaking through something here. I've decided to make will power my ally. Today I was pushing my pace a bit and a part of me really wanted to back off, really thought I couldn't keep it up and then a funny thing happened... I let the chatter continue as long as it needed to and I just kept moving my legs... I just kept going. Finally the chatter died down and I felt a new kinship with myself. Oh- hello will!

happy recovery week.

walden farms...

2009-01-31T09:54:00.000-08:00

hello all! it was great being with so many of you this morning. thank you for your presence in this community, it's an invaluable part of my life!

on to business!:

i've added the Walden Farms home page to the "check this out" section of my blog (to your right)... you'll see they have a lot of other products available as well. we have branched out beyond the dressings a time or two (or shall I say Rob has... he has a much more adventurous spirit for the fat-free, calorie-free world than I do!!), but we've found their dressings are the best. we haven't tried them all though! so explore at will and let us know if you come up with any other goodies we should know about!

one thing I noticed about the website is just how many different dressings they have! typically we find the ranch, caesar, honey dijon, thousand island, blue cheese, raspberry vinaigrette, and italian in local stores. also- I believe they are cheaper in stores than online. (often Meier will have one or more flavors on sale!)

my favorites are ranch (I love to mix this with balsamic vinegar and cracked pepper), honey dijon (yummy!), blue cheese (toss in some lite feta from Trader Joe's and you'll feel like you're eating the real thing!), thousand island (great on the lo-cal reuben {recipe coming soon}), and raspberry vinaigrette. so... basically I like 'em all... though Rob's the only caesar fan in the house...

I hope you'll find this helpful in varying flavors for salads and other dishes... check it out!!

namaste

back-in-blog

2009-01-29T17:57:00.000-08:00

well it's nearly the end of week 2 and I'm finally dusting off the old blog, and I have this to say...

workouts are hard.
weighing and counting food is... not the most fun.
feeling the support of a community of brave, empowered souls who are feeling the same thing is awesome!

so I guess IT'S ALL GOOD(a great teacher I know taught me that one)

Hey! here's something I learned this week- it's partly a confession actually... so I ran on Wednesday... on... a fancynewtreadmillatmygym. there I said it. but here's what was great- I learned that I pushed myself harder on that machine than I did on running outside last week.

Quick sidebar: I have slipped a bit in the past few months on my running- no excuses? I found plenty of them! but I keep reminding myself that I'm training a puppy- that's me- and I'm back in it again to work at really creating new patterns for myself.

So what I really appreciated about this fancy new treadmill was that I could keep track of my pace and steadily increase as I proceeded through the run... I became aware of the fact that I'm not at a place with my cardio work yet to be able to steadily increase my pace the entire way, I had to pull off a touch in the 40-50 minute range, I just don't have the endurance built up yet. I figure I can use the machine on Wednesdays for a while to help train me and push me. Like I said, no way would I have pushed myself as hard on my own yesterday.

Now for the "attachment disclaimer". If, for whatever reason I can't get to the gym, or it's a beautiful day or whatever the reason- I will freely abandon the plan to run outside... I just think for the next few weeks I can learn a lot from it.

Train that puppy!!

Chopra, Obama, Kest, oh my!

2008-10-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

What a week. What a HALF-week! We'll begin on Wednesday: in the morning I performed 2 shows, Wednesday afternoon a fellow castmate and I spent a couple of hours volunteering for the Obama campaign and Wednesday night I had the pleasure of hearing Deepak Chopra speak from the 3rd row. The next morning I picked up my volunteer buddy, we headed to the Obama rally with our priority tickets- as we were walking to the Mall a vendor stopped us and gave us free hats for being "beautiful ladies". Once inside the gates we walked to about 15yds from the podium to await our future president! We saw other theatre friends- including my husband who came down just in time to hear Obama speak and brought us almonds and water to quiet our rumbling tummys! (He's the best!) Thursday night I attended the Brian Kest workshop- which I loved and pretty much spent all day Friday recovering from! The ultimate cherry on top, of course, was Chris's class Saturday morning... the perfect quad-fecta!!

What a time. I am so grateful to have had the opportunities I've had this week to be in the presence of some profound teachers. Much of this came together so last minute, I felt like I was riding a wave... and all I asked of myself was to BE IN IT. I am positively humming from these experiences. It's funny, the overriding message(s) are mutually inclusive: embrace your connectedness to all things. be present. be accountable. be compassionate.

I'd love to share more but I've gotta get to the theatre.... the show must go on!

no excuses: 1 sabotage: 0

2008-09-18T19:14:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying my husband is a rock star.

He started this week running a 1/2 marathon in our neighborhood- interval style!- and breaking his personal best time. He has been in tech (final rehearsals) for his show every day and in previews of that show every night... a show, I should add, that is technically HUGE. He has continued his workouts every day and today he agreed to do the strength workout during his 2-hour dinner break before his final dress performance so that we could do it together. He is my hero...

So, I started rehearsals for my next show this week. It meant a lot that we could work out together today as we've been on different schedules all week. We did not complete the abs section- due to time constraints and both decided to do them on our own tomorrow.

After dropping Rob off at the theatre, I came home, fed our pup, looked through the mail... you know, the usual comin' home stuff, and then I came into the office to check my email for tomorrow's rehearsal schedule. I have so much to work on tonight for rehearsal tomorrow, so many more lines to continue to learn... I'm called at 10:30. Lunch break 1:00-2:00, 6:00 end of day. Now on any other day I would plan to do my workout in the evening but tomorrow is opening night of Rob's show. There's always a party opening night- lots of theatre folk and other friends... it's a fun night, obviously I'm not missin' out on that!!

So I did what I had to do.

Muttering unpleasantries, I rolled out the yoga mat and did the abs workout. Then I put on my running gear, grabbed the dog and her leash and took her with me for an easy run.

So. While sabotage is still a part of my psyche- and I have so enjoyed the thoughts shared by my fellow test-pilots... there's another voice in there now too. A voice telling me it's up to me... how I look, how I feel mentally and physically, how I choose to live each day. Every day, it's up to me. Well, today it's no excuses: 1 sabotage: 0

namaste friends...

Morning Manning Meditation...

2008-09-14T17:10:00.000-07:00

We slept in this morning... ahhhh... and when Rob left for rehearsal I decided to postpone breakfast for a few more minutes and meditate.

Our pup, Lil, is outside and seemingly content lying on the deck. I set up my blanket and Zafu pillow... I like to set the alarm on my phone to time my meditation sessions, and when it goes off all I hear are delicate twinkly bells... a very soothing indication to open my eyes again. So, I go to set the alarm and it's flashing 11:05 as the "wake-up" time... I'm thinking, "that's 19 minutes- wow that would be great!" so I hit OK and I'm ready to go.

I sit comfortably- and in the spirit of Game Day- I'm donning my trusty #18 Peyton Manning jersey.

At first I'm thinking about the game... what's Peyton doing right now? I wonder if he slept well last night... I hope the team is feeling rested and energized... I wonder if Dallas will play? Jeff?- no probably not til next week... Who's the guy replacing Ed Johnson?... OK inhale exhale

The dog wants to come in. I hear this pathetic high-pitched whine and open one eye to see her staring intently at me through the glass, she sees me see her (the jig is up) and begins to wag her back end furiously as if she could shake that butt right off ... OK, I'll let her in and get back to it.

I'm sitting once more... Lil is resting comfortably on my blanket with me... inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale ...now I'm thinking about my nephews who just moved here from New York and are living in our old house... I hope they're getting settled in OK... actually I hope they're sleeping right now 'cause they had a long drive and unloaded the truck when they got in INHALE, EXHALE

Sit up tall, breathe deep, soft belly, Man my upper back is starting to hurt! relax, soften the shoulders, inhale, exhale So rehearsals start on Tuesday. I'm really excited... should I focus on going through my script and the complete text before Tuesday or try to finish one of the three books of literary criticism I checked out about the play? Probably it's best to stick with the text itself inhale rather than EXHALE, INHALE EXHALE Man, my back is tight!! And I think my sits bones are numb... yep totally numb inhale, exhale inhale, exhale...

So it pretty much stays like this the whole time, me circulating around the afore-mentioned topics, occasionally throwing in others such as: laundry, death, the wind, breakfast, and of course- the time. Fast Forward to the end of the session where I have now reached the limit of my physical ability to sit...

OK, I'm gonna stop now- I may not have been able to do 19 minutes (well 18 if you count letting the dog in) but I bet I did at least 14 or 15...

I open my eyes and stretch my arms up over my head. I grab my phone, turn it over and look at the time... HOLY CRAP IT'S 11:33!!! I had to do the classic I-can't believe-what-I'm-seeing-I'd-better-rub-my-eyes-and-look-again move, and it still said 11:33. Yeah, turns out the alarm was set for PM and not AM...that old chestnut...funny.

Who knew?

So, while I was by no means "in the zone" with much- or any- of my meditation, I managed to do it, to just sit for just over 45 minutes. I know it did me good to just be in experience of it. And the Colts did OK too...

my old friend sabotage...

2008-09-05T17:53:00.000-07:00

I marvel at the ways in which I continue to KNOWINGLY derail my path to wellness. Ah, sabotage... hello old friend.

Take this meditation thing. I KNOW it's what I need in my life. It's week nine of The Project. Guess how many times I've sat for meditation? Just guess...no not that high... what?, not quite,... you know what I'll just tell you: four. That's right 4.
F-O-U-R times. That's not very many is it? No it's not. And I'm really trying not to do the shame thing. Wanna cut that out altogether but SERIOUSLY- 4?!

I had the opportunity to go to Kripalu earlier this year where I meditated every day AT LEAST once. I felt more calm, more focused, just generally happier and I was determined- I was RESOLVED to make it part of my daily practice... did I keep it up? No. Then the Project. "Hooray" I'm thinking, "meditation is a component and now I'll finally get to practicing meditation!"

So here I am. Week nine- almost week ten. Why am I denying myself the opportunity to really tune into myself? It's a big question... I have a few theories on the answer but rather than go into all that, perhaps I should just go sit....

order...

2008-09-04T14:06:00.000-07:00

I find that with these workouts- at the start of each new phase- I am surprised at how much they... well... how much they kick my butt. Seriously. It's amazing to me that a relatively slight shift in the previous order of things can totally scramble the senses. And of course, Chris is no dummy. He knew darn well this would happen. Good for you Chris.

Just this week, after completing the last of the "new stuff'" (as Friday and Saturday are known quantities... relatively, of course), I cannot help but think about ORDER.

ORDER in my life.
ORDER in the world.
and DISORDER.
DISORDER is a bad word.
ORDER good.
DISORDER bad.

I have never heard DISORDER used positively in a sentence. I have never known anyone, or heard of anyone knowing anyone who aspires to have more DISORDER in their life. I have, however, in moments not too far past, used it to describe my life.

My perception of our world- perhaps I should say this country or this city, you get my drift- is that we want ORDER. It helps us to identify things. Then we know them because we can label them. How tidy.

It's funny, throughout this Project- and particularly this week- my perception of ORDER and it's less popular twin DISORDER is beginning to change.
ORDER suggests 'routine' to me, it suggests 'same'. And while 'routine' is comfortable and it's important in some aspects, 'routine' requires less mindfulness. And while 'same' is familiar, it's known. It's already known so the danger exists that there's nothing more to discover about it.
Stick with me now.

I know I'm getting stronger since I've started the Project. But these workouts have continuously humbled and challenged me. This Project is teaching me to let go of my attachment to "the ORDER things are supposed to be in!" and just be. Just be in the effort of the thing and laugh, or fall on my face or both. It's allowing me to see beauty in the gift of the absence of order.

And I'm here to embrace it.

it's back to bloggin' fer you lassie!

2008-08-18T18:14:00.000-07:00

Hi and Hello and a hearty "Cheers" from Scotland!

What a time we're having in Edinburgh... Rob's show opens tomorrow (with me running lights- yowza!) and we're pretty excited about it! The vibe here is almost overwhelming at times- we are certainly grateful for our suburban home in Morningside... SIDEBAR- interestingly it's 2.3 miles from our house to the city centre and yet, even at a decent clip, it takes one hour for us to walk into town. Must be the hills and windy streets... AND WE'RE BACK... the show will open tomorrow at 2:30 (that's 14.30 here in the UK- isn't math fun?) then we'll all confab at a fabulous vegetarian restaurant called Henderson's. It'll be grand. (by all I mean the director, the playwright and his wife and the lighting designer).

OK, it's getting pretty late and I know Rob wants a shot at getting online... I wanted to mention that we had a pretty terrific run in the rain in a beautiful park today. It is such a joy to bring real-world activity into a foreign environment... it feels like it's all connected....

I'm off to bed- we've got to get up early to do our strength workout before Rob's opening day!!

We appreciate any mojo you can send to this show- Rob tells this story so poignantly- I hope lots of people will come and see it!!

much love and light to you all...jen

the countdown begins...

2008-06-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

well it's nigh-on 1 AM and I've just eaten an entire bag of popcorn. won't be doing that in a little over ten days... oh, sweet late night eating, how I'll miss you!